Self-Awareness in Relationships
Just as self-awareness plays a crucial role in personal growth, it is also necessary for fostering healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Without self-awareness, we don’t see how we are coming across to others. Do we appear harsh? Indifferent? Compassionate? Empathetic?
We like to assume the positive about ourselves, but the truth is that if we don’t take the time to examine these things, we really don’t know the perception of others.
I remember being told by my children that I looked angry when I felt absolutely no anger at all. They would be talking to me about something important, I would be all-in listening, and they would say, “Why does this make you mad?” I was so confused.
One day I decided to do an experiment. I went into my bathroom and stood in front of the mirror with my eyes closed, imagining the conversation that had taken place the night before. It took quite a bit of discipline to divorce my facial reactions from what I thought they should be, but I did it. I re-entered the conversation in my mind and when we were at a pivotal point in the conversation taking place in my head, I opened my eyes and saw what could very easily have been taken as an angry looking face. I was shocked! What I felt was intense concentration. What I saw was anger.
What we feel and what we see are not always the same. Taking the time to be aware of that – and communicate it – can make all the difference in a relationship. Even now, when I am aware that I am feeling very intense, I will say, “If I look mad, I am not. I am just listening very intently. Please keep talking.”
I continue to be intentional in trying to catch it, change it, and check for it whenever possible. This awareness allows me to make conscious, intentional choices in my communication so I can nurture more constructive interactions.
In the angry-face instance, I was looking for anger and didn’t find it. But at other times I have felt anger and not known why. I have also experienced times when I didn’t know what I felt and needed to sit and contemplate or pray or journal and get some clarity. So not only does self-awareness help us know how others perceive us, it helps us recognize emotions we didn’t know were there.
Understanding our emotions, and even the triggers that set them off, helps us communicate with the clarity needed within our relationships. Being aware enough to say, “I am feeling some strong emotions I can’t really identify, but I need to sit with that for a while and will get back to you.” This creates an honesty and transparency within others that wouldn’t be there if we just stuffed the feelings and didn’t express anything because we didn’t understand them.
True self-awareness cultivates an openness and safety for vulnerability in relationships. It fosters trust when we communicate honestly about our thoughts, feelings, and tender spots. When we create this relational dynamic, it is an invitation for deepening intimacy and strengthening our bonds.
Here’s to the courage to create stronger, more vulnerable relationships!
Enjoy the journey!
Brenda
Brenda is a believer in impossible possibilities. In brokenness becoming beautiful. In justice and mercy and honor and power – with love perfecting them all. She is a wife, mom, mimi, daughter, and friend who also enjoys speaking, writing, and coaching.